Working title #234

I have decided to author a self-help book for women on sucessfully attracting the opposite sex. What... don't catholic priests counsel couples on marriage? The reason for my sudden desire to pen this work is that in my life, I have encountered a most curious phenomenon that I like to call "The Sauce".


Have you ever noticed a young lady of indiscriminate looks, less than ideal facial features and questionable fashion sense, who attracts men like flies to sweet syrup? This, my friends, is a chic who has "The Sauce". Now, don't mind you primp in front the mirror for hours, cake make up on like plaster of paris, and buy your clothes according to the most cutting edge style gurus; they will never flock to you like they flock to her. And that's because she has 'it' and you don't. Now, do not despair, iz nuh you, iz dem. Okay no, it's her.

According to some research done on women recently, it has been found that there is actually a confidence/ attractivness hormone called estradiol (literally... "The Sauce"). Women found with high levels of this hormone, are not only more attractive to men, but also more attractive to themselves, essentially bolstering their own confidence. And we've been told time and time again, that confidence is an aphrodesiac... move over horny goat weed. Now, when I discovered this little gem of an experiment, I was pumped. I was right about something for once. But now... since we nuh really tryin tuh be takin synthetic hormones and all kinda 'lah dee dah' to get no man, I had to figure out a cost effective way of acquiring "The Sauce".

So ahmmm.... buy my book and in five easy steps I will show you how to fake it to make it. Remember, if you can't do de sauce, you could at least put some gravy on it. Here's a little sneak peak of my Guide to a Saucier You:

Chapter 1: Who needs to tuck in their belly when they can just stick out their bumsee?


Chapter 2: All that glitters isn't gold, but shiny shit sure does make them look.

Chapter 3: The art of the lascivious eye.

Chapter 4: Get Your Shriek On: Mastering that coquettish giggle.

Believe me, this book will save your love life. Look for it in stores October 2020. And if you think I'm full of shit, just revisit Arthur Golden's Memoirs of a Geisha. The lessons are pretty much the same and look what she got... the sugar daddy of her dreams.


GUIDE TO A SAUCIER YOU by: Zigs $39.99...... In stores October 2020

Labels: beauty, confidence, health, self esteem, the sauce, Women